Steriod Fear and Flu danger, drains your tank

Another night of hell and completely OUT OF GAS!

Well ok, so the crash the night before last may have been related to a virus my body was fighting. Yesterday afternoon it landed SUDDENLY.  I was running with diarrhea (that word is hard to spell lol) and then by evening a fever hit me. 

I never get sick like this. It has been at least over two years since I had anything make me sick enough to have a fever. I remember that time well though. That was my night in the ER where the docs spent hours trying to calm my nausea with injections of anti nausea meds to no avail. Finally they gave me 100 mgs of Solu-Cortef and the world became a better place in a few minutes. I even was able to eat a little where before I could not even keep water down, and I was dehydrated.

However that night  they coldly injected me, they then coldly handed me my walking papers and sent me home. I was a baby in adrenal insufficiency and didn't realize that the injection would wear off in a few hours and I would be right back where I started. I remember laying in my bed crying out to God "please help me" as I felt I was going to die. How I didn't die, is  miracle from God.

Well last night it happened again.  BUT this time I am not a baby in AI and I am on the pump. So I started my pump up to 200 percent to stress dose me and I started giving one mg. bolus' to pull me out. It wasn't working. What was my first clue that I was in trouble? It wasn't the nausea since I thought that was the flu related. It was that I was having an argument with my hubby over something silly and I started to cry and melt down. Yes melt downs are part of this.  I also was hit with hives again due to the stress my body was under, so there I sat scratching all over, running a fever with chills, wanting to vomit, running to the toilet and crying. HELP ME LORD!

What do I do now? These one mg bolus' were not working.  Now is where I take you into what steroid fear is.

Steroids make you FAT

Exactly. It is so ridiculous that a doctor called me a steroid seeker in my past, when in truth I hate them.  I have gained 10 lbs a year over a ten year period. GASP that is 100 lbs. I finally stopped gaining after I got on injections and stabilized, then I lost 20 lbs when I went through HIVE HELL.

I am terrified of having to end up on a larger dose of this stuff. 

When I had my knee surgery two years ago, I had to take up to 125 mgs a day to stay alive. That was when I was on the pills. That dose socked ten more lbs on me almost over night.  

I HATE STEROIDS!

Isn't is ironic that the thing that actually saves my life, is the thing I fear the most and hate? 

That is the sad part. That 100 lbs makes me very uncomfortable and taking it off is hard, as I still cannot do a whole lot of exercise without crashing enough, so I spend the next day in bed.

My Awesome friends and my free ER

So I gave up and panicked and posted in my HC Pumpers group what was going on. I wanted to hear their experiences with overcoming the flu through the pump.

Well some very experienced and loving friends guided me through the night and became my free ER. Since we currently don't have health insurance, I didn't want to land there and sink us into debt.

They prevented me from that. Although they had to be very patient friends. They were telling me to inject 100 mgs NOW! I was in steroid panic. As sick as I was, crying and scratching etc. and almost dying from being entirely "out of Gas", I still didn't want to take those steroids! They are the ENEMY!

So I started out with 7 mgs here and 7 mgs there. I was going to see if I could get away with alot less then that 100 mgs.

Well before the night was up, I had injected 100 mgs, had a 25 mg injection set by my bed for any night time coverage needs and my pump up to 200 percent.  

Each increment that I took got larger. First it was 7 then 7 again, then 25. Now I was getting braver. I was not out of the black hole yet. So another 25.  Getting better. Nausea lifting, fever dropped, calming down. No more dying. Still very anxious though. Another 25 and I hit 100 mgs. It took two hours or more to get there. 

I never really obtained an appetite, but had not eaten in 12 hours so I made scrambled eggs and brought my blood sugar up. I topped the night with a hefty dose of sea salt and water, because I salt waste under stress. At that point, I crashed into blissful sleep. 

I woke this morning and never took that injection in the night, but I am a train wreck today so I took that 25 mgs this morning. 

My pump is screaming at me for cortisol so I guess I used up my whole vial in one day with the 200 percent. That means I took 200 mgs yesterday.  

I will survive. I will continue to fight. Some how I will find my way to over coming steroid fear and weight gain. Some how I will heal to the point I can exercise again and lose this 100 lbs I hate carrying.  

God is with me. He will not fail me. Thank you Lord for leading me and guiding me on this path and for the awesome friends you have put on this path to help me through. 

Thank YOU for allowing them to keep me out of the ER and saving my life last night. I love you Lord and I know you are going to give me victory in this process!!

kidznlildogz@aol.com